I’m still so totally exhausted.

I want to write up our trip to eastern Missouri.

My belly is enormous. It’s growing so fast I am not able to adjust and get used to it.

I feel the baby moving a lot now!

I hope to make a proper update tomorrow.

Posted on July 2nd, 2009 by monica
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We just got back from a 4-day camping trip, so I have a lot to get caught up on, but today I am 14 weeks!

Hopefully I will post more later.

Posted on June 26th, 2009 by monica
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I was 13 weeks pregnant yesterday, which means I am done with the first trimester! Hooray!

I don’t have a lot to write at the moment. Just to share a few photos.

What a baby gut.

(first pic 10w2d, second 13w1d)

Posted on June 20th, 2009 by monica
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I have been so freaking tired and busy I haven’t had time nor the energy to update.

The big news is — we have a baby! I went for my 12 week checkup on Monday. My doctor told me that “it’s still early” and “don’t worry if we can’t find a heartbeat yet.” Well, this baby showed him … the second he put the doppler on my tummy we heard his/her heart.

I have experienced this 4 times now … hearing my child’s heart beating for the first time. But this is the *first* time I have had tears. This pregnancy has been so strongly desired for so long, so wild and surreal, and I have had such a hard time grasping the fact that I am really pregnant, and been in fear of losing the pregnancy from the get-go … it feels real now. It really does. I believe.

When I told people that I heard the heartbeat for the first time, they were happy for me, but I don’t think very many people really realized what this meant to me.

160 beats per minute.

The other relevation that I received from the visit is that I have a “big uterus.” My doctor was poking around prior to the doppler listen and he said those exact words. I’ve been talking here about how I’ve been able to feel it for weeks, and I knew that it was bigger than “usual.” When he conducted the rest of the exam he told me that it was definintely larger than he would expect, about a 16 weeker instead of a 12 weeker.

He said that this means one of three things:

1. It’s my fourth baby and my uterus is growing faster than other women who have had less babies.
2. I’m really further along than I think (this is impossible as I was charting and know when we conceived).
3. It’s twins.

He was not in any urgent rush to get me in to a scan. He said we’ll find out “at 20 weeks” (which is, of course, 8 weeks away). He did try to listen for another heartbeat and didn’t find one but admitted that it means nothing because often when there are two babies you can’t tell the difference when listening.

I’ve been a little obsessed about this since then, and am considering booking an elective sonogram at a place in Kansas City just to check out the contents of my uterus. One occupant or two? I think it’s a big deal, and I won’t feel silly at all for checking it out and spending a little money (about $80) for this knowledge.

The best part of the day, though, was the knowledge that I have a real baby.

Posted on June 17th, 2009 by monica
Filed under: Pregnancy | 5 Comments »

Wow, I can tell that things are going to be getting a lot more fun pregnancy-wise.

My belly is getting bigger every day. In the morning, with a full bladder, my uterus meets my belly button. And later in the day it’s just a couple of inches below it. Yesterday it was “lumpy” on the left side. Today it’s normal. Was that the baby?

I’m feeling definite movement. I know I’ve written that before, but every time it happens I think, “Ok, that was for sure the baby.” Haha. Last night I was laying on my side and I felt it move for about 10 minutes straight. It was rolling around, or shifting around. I thought I was imagining it or making it happen myself until it stopped and I could not make it happen again (with my mind? I’ll never know).  I still can’t believe it’s happening this early. It’s RAD.

I think it’s starting to sink in for several members of my household.

As far as how I’m feeling, I’m not doing too bad. I thought I had caught a break from the exhaustion but it’s back, stronger than ever. I’ve got the day off today so I’m going to take the kids to a museum early in order to make the most of my early-morning energy. The weird thing is that I’ve been having a lot of back pain lately, and I’m not sure why. It’s not like I have a watermelon hanging off of me yet? Relaxin at work maybe? Also, the bursitis in my left hip has been killing me too. I sincerely hope that gets better and not worse!

My appetite has increased to the point where I feel like a machine, carrying around a baby and having to feed it constantly. I’ve been super thirsty this whole pregnancy too and peeing like a maniac.  I am still, amazingly, 3 or 4 pounds under where I started out weight-wise. And apparently I missed the morning sickness boat. I can say that I did have quite a few queasy moments here and there that might qualify, but the degree and frequency were so mild that I don’t even feel justified in saying so. Especially compared to my pregnancy with Lauren, which was a nausea nightmare for 16 weeks …

Overall I feel a little more in control of my body. I must admit that I didn’t know how hardcore this pregnancy was going to be or how lousy I’d feel (even minus the sick) but I can tell that things are improving overall (with the exception of the fatigue). I’m sleeping better and just feel more used to this pregnancy and baby.

I cannot wait until Monday!

Posted on June 13th, 2009 by monica
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Not really, but it’s a thousand times better than yesterday. To quote Ron Weasley, it felt “like I’d never be cheerful again.” Crying and bummed out for stupid reasons. I had a terrible evening and couldn’t even muster happy and joy fake-like for my poor kids. Evenings are tough because Kevin is working and sometimes it just seems overwhelming.

I think I’m going to start a baby name post, but not publish it until we’ve decided on a name. Maybe it will be fun to go back and update and put in notes about the decision-making process. And it is a process. Sometimes it seems impossible. I *still* feel like I’m jumping the gun … our heartbeat check isn’t until Monday (and I am SOOOOOOO excited) so it’d be nice to have that absolute confirmation to help process the reality a little more, but the fact that I’ve been feeling certain movement and my uterus is getting so cute! round! ball-like! growing! … it has to be real.

It’s like I was telling Kevin earlier … there is a baby inside of me. With arms and legs! A person! Only a week to go before the first trimester ends (well, a week from tomorrow). The first trimester, ladies and gentlemen, is for the BIRDS. The uncertainty, the physical weirdness, the huh factor … it’s all starting to gel.

Lauren said, “Your belly is getting BIG!”

Posted on June 11th, 2009 by monica
Filed under: Pregnancy | 1 Comment »

Ah … I have not had the best day at all. I am so emotionally tender. It sucks so much. And add to that people not understanding how exhausted I am … it’s been a crap day.

My plans to improve the evening are to vacuum the living room, finish cleaning the kitchen, fold the rest of the laundry and then I don’t know, I don’t have plans, but I’m going to try my hardest to make the evening pleasant for me and the children. I have no idea what that will entail. It will probably suck too. But I’m going to try.

Posted on June 10th, 2009 by monica
Filed under: Pregnancy | 1 Comment »

… do they really want to know the answer? I haven’t decided if they really care to hear what’s going on with me physically or they are trying to make polite conversation. Generally I only mention the fatigue (which, I need to report, has gotten better — I am no longer zombie-like at 11 in the morning … more like 3-6 pm). Everyone is surprised and shocked to hear that morning sickness passed me by. In fact, I am surprised and shocked at this as well.

Anyway, I’m at the point where this pregnancy is starting to feel real to me. I didn’t think this would happen until next week at the earliest as on Monday I hear the heartbeat for the first time. But I’m pretty sure that I am feeling this baby move. And it seems so super early for that — I mean, I’m only 11 1/2 weeks — but it’s a feeling I will never forget, and being pregnant 3 times before gives me plenty of prior material and experience to fall back on. I felt a tapping on my cervix last night — that ain’t gas! It was rad!

And yeah, my uterus is giant, more giant than I expected (just an inch or two under my navel) and I do admit that I’m a teeny bit paranoid about twins. I’m assuming that it’s growing faster due to the fact that this is my fourth baby. Not that twins would be unwelcome, of course, but I’d prefer to know much sooner than much later. My uterus is still pretty crampy and I’m already enjoying some round ligament pain.

(this is the type of stuff I’m always tempted to tell friends, acquaintances and strangers when I’m asked how I’m feeling)

On to cravings … I’m having them and it’s so much fun! I’m craving tangy or spicy food. Acidic stuff. Tomatoes, chips and salsa, Mexican food, pickles, radishes … I’d love to learn how to make my own salsa. We have 6 good-sized tomato plants in our garden. I’m going to eat the hell out of them. Also, I’m loving plain, simple bean burritos. Not even spicy … the combination of the beans and the flour tortilla is divine.

I’ve conquered my food aversions … I’m still having them, but I learned pretty quickly what to avoid and what I like so it’s not a problem any more (milk, oatmeal, cold cereal, lots of types of meat, cake, cookies, ice cream … any sweets). And I’m eating a lot more. I initially lost 5-6 pounds for unknown reasons, and I’ve finally put back on 2-3 of those. I’m still under where I started out but I’m fine with that.

I’m getting ready to have a snack. I think I’ll have a spinach salad with grape tomatoes and Italian dressing. I can’t wait.

Posted on June 9th, 2009 by monica
Filed under: Pregnancy | 1 Comment »

A lime is a nice, solid, big piece of fruit!

I can’t decide if this pregnancy is going fast, or if it’s going slow. On one hand, 12 weeks still seems so. far. away. On the other hand … it’s next week! 7 days!

My headache is still here although right now it feels better. I hope this trend continues.

I made the burritos last night. They were awesome.

I finally felt exhaustion settle in at around 6 pm last night. I was grateful for it. Today I think I may be a little more tired as I was awakened before 6:30 (by Lauren climbing into my bed) and couldn’t go back to sleep as I had to pee. I have the opportunity to sleep until 8 since the kids are out of school so that kind of stinks. I bet that I will suddenly gain the ability to sleep in once school starts next fall! Haha.

When I was laying in bed, before I peed, I was poking on my tummy, and my uterus just seems huge.  Like, past the midway point, close to my belly button. That just can’t be. I must be feeling it wrong. I cannot wait to go to the doctor! Not next Monday but the one after.

I’ve started casually looking at baby names. I hope I get over the feeling — soon — that I’m jinxing the baby by doing that.

Posted on June 5th, 2009 by monica
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Unfortunately my headache has gotten worse. Went to bed with it, woke up with it. I’m going to try to see if it gets better over the weekend, which is a tall order, but if I can avoid going to the doctor and possibly being medicated it’s worth it.

Fortunately Kevin is being great, he’s going to help me rest as much as possible.

Strangely yesterday and today I haven’t been as tired as I have been, and guess what? Instant paranoia. What’s wrong with the baby? What’s going on? Did he/she die? Ahhhh. I’ve read online that a lot of people start to feel better once the placenta gets big enough to take over full-time care, which generally happens at around 10 weeks.

Oooh … I have a placenta! Yay!

I went shopping today with my oldest friend and tried on a bunch of shitty-ass maternity clothes that looked terrible on me. It’s so frustrating. The selection is so limited unless you drive to a million stores, or you can order online and hate it when you get it. I did order 2 shirts, I’m dreading getting them. I’m pretty sure the Old Navy down south (in Zona Rosa) carries maternity … I think it’s worth a 35- minute drive. Penneys had a decent selection and I bought 3 shirts that are exactly the same (in 3 different colors) a couple of weeks ago, but I seriously wear them every day. I hope I have better luck soon or I’m going to start getting made fun of!

I did buy a “Big Pack” of Tic Tacs at Target … they’re gone already. So much for “keeping them in my purse.”

Anyway, I’m hoping to get out and shop a little more this weekend, as long as my head allows it.

I made tacos last night for dinner. They were so good I ate … a lot. And then felt miserable the rest of the night and the smell of the taco meat was everywhere in the house. The thing is, I’m seriously tempted to make burritos tonight. I love Mexican food and have been craving it. Should I go for it?!

Posted on June 4th, 2009 by monica
Filed under: Bites, Buy Buy Buy, Pregnancy | No Comments »